well last night I spent a lot of time just staring at my phone and wrestled to dial the

numbers which used to be so familiar with me . I tried hard but failed in the end though I

was dying to hear ur voice. At 11:35 pm did my cellphone ring and it was my boyfriend.at

least he was my boyfriend yesterday.
We kept talking until the day broke . at the point i put the earphone down I was no

longer sb's girlfriend. however, the sunrise of 15th,JULY has brought me myself back to

life.
He is truely a good guy and makes me feel I am still important to someone apart from my

own parents. He is also important to me I know and i felt guilty to exploit him to satisfy

my vanity. I used to say that I thought less of those who treat love events as easy games. I

said I would be serious under any circumstance.
We are no longer kids but We are still young. I AM tired eventually.I am sober

EVENTUALLY.
those days that every night ALLEN and Quean were talking on the phone while a silly guy

who slept beneath the leading actress was sobbing with the quilt covered until the two love

birds finished their communication with repeated "g'night" and, after that she had to put

down the earphone for QUEAN with the haunting voice of ALLEN says"i care u" in her head and

a broken heart ,have passed.
The 2 love birds broke up . The so-called "taking a best friend to heart" does not exist

any more.
In my wallet there is a note paper with a death's head on it . it was drawn by a boy .

He wrote to me saying "do not sleep in the class" and apologized for not calling me. Those

were sweet memories. I would smile anytime they occurred to me.
I had made some assumptions like "if i were pretty ". I think it is rediculous . there

is no "if". to make things worse, there is no "even if".
My ex-bf said to me that being friends was okay. lovers part but friens hardly. They

watch each other grow from kids to adults. They have common memories to share when they are

both old. they cherish each other and will provide a shield anytime the other hurts. that

sounds great. unfortunately, I know it is just placeboes and things in effect do not work

this way. I hopelessly fell in love with a guy that would not have the same feeling with me

when i was 16. the wound has not healed until I am reaching 20. horrible is'n it? it hurts

. it realy hurts. i know i have to recover.
further more,he is far ,too far from me now and i do not see any signs of trying to

retrieve on him.
I once was gloomy for his sake. I once accepted a guy as my bf against my faith . I make

my life nothing but a total mess for someone , in whose life nothing's never ever changed

without me .
I have to be frank. HE DID NOGHING either wrong or incongruous.
from the very beginning I have been playing the role as a trouble-maker.
I do not expect ur reply. c's I know you are bored. busy or lazy whatever.
en....i can't stopping admire my courage so here i am . WITH NO PAIN IN MY HEART.
ps: suddenly i am informed that a friend of mine(5 years older than me) will marry

someone next year....sweat...TIME FLIES REALLY...

我们都是好孩子,好孩子就会有好的结局

好孩子上天堂,坏孩子走四方~